I have been, and it has been quite disheartening. The ads have to do with my recent, messy divorce from my wife, Claire, a lawyer who is running for DA on the GOP ticket here in Florida.
First, a Democratic operative linked to her opponent posted a photo of my ex with a felon known as Timdawg, having sexual relations on a picnic table on the web. The time stamp clearly shows she had done this while married to me. I should know. I commissioned the photos to be taken by my friend, Eddie, a PI, but they had gotten into the wrong hands — Timdawg’s. He seemingly sold them to the DA.
Then my wife unleashed a horrible attack on the DA. She had records showing that he had an active prescription to Viagra, even though his wife has been in a vegetative state for the past eight year. He does have a 12-year-old Vietnamese boy adoptee. Then, with her flow charts before the press, she showed a history of the DA being soft on pedophiles. Her conclusion was, therefore, that the DA was using the pills to have relations with the Vietnamese boy. Of course, the DA denies it, but, in this backwater county, it’s the talk of the town and totally overtook the conversation about what had happened on the picnic table with Timdawg.
During this time, I was jumped by Timdawg (who is now no where to be found) and an accomplice and sent to the hospital for two weeks. Eddie at first thought my ex-wife commissioned the hit because I was the deciding vote on my faculty union as to whether we were going to endorse her, and I was leaning toward the DA. Now he has new evidence that will blow the lid off this campaign that he is giving to the local TV channel first thing in the morning — Election Day.
Meanwhile, in all this, I’ve been made to look like a schlep. I teach at a local junior college and one of my students the other day — he has piercings in both eyebrows and his lips, among other places, I’m sure — piped up, Why don’t you just man up and say something about all this? I mean, you wife was doing it on a picnic table, dude, with the guy who cleaned your clock.
The whole class laughed — except for the ones who will get A’s.
In any case, have you ever been hit by your ex-spouse’s shrapnel?
